Once Luton concede first on away-day kamikaze missions, it might be the most humanitarian gesture, in tough times like these, to refund the digital ticket price shelled out by beleaguered Hatters fans.
Bat very least, it’s on desperate days like this that there should be a damage control clause in the laws where team can forfeit a contest, once it goes so irredeemably south. Money back, guaranteed.
Forget VAR, offsides, or any other of the myriad of infuriating laws that need changing, it’s a wave-a-white-flag rule that we need. When do we need it? Like, yesterday.
In boxing, a corner can throw in the towel when a performance is this bad. In snooker, cuemen can concede a frame. But in football, we’re forced into an endurance effort of epic proportions. Haven’t we all got better things to do? Even in lockdown?
Once, Sonny Bradley destroyed the self-destruct button to gift Stoke and Nick Powell a walk-it-in opener on 20 minutes, it rendered the remaining 80 an exercise in supporter self-flagellation.
If fans had all logged off at that point, philosophically speaking, would it have even happened? Like the old tree in an empty forest scenario? Sadly, the answer is yes, but at least they could’ve been spared some of the misery.
In fact, scrap the man-of-the-match gong, Town followers all deserve a participation award if they made it to the final whistle, presumably watching on fearfully and furiously from behind the sofa.
“Not any single human being on that pitch today in a Luton Town shirt generated any enthusiasm,” said boss Nathan Jones as he blasted his players’ performance as “inept”.
They have not scored on their travels after conceding first so the skipper’s slip signalled another long, goalless afternoon, but it was worse than that. Much, much worse.
A back-in-the-side James Bree stood still and allowed Powell to bully him and head in from close range, before Glen Rea turned in his own unfunny slapstick performance to outdo Bradley’s gaffe and let Steven Fletcher walk in a third.
Jones added: “I signed Nick Powell at this football club (Stoke) and I signed him for his technical ability. I didn’t sign him for his aggression on the back post, but he showed ten times more aggression than James Bree did today.
“We were looking for the referee or someone to bail us out. They were looking for me to give them the drive and enthusiasm and they didn’t generate that themselves.”
The simplicity of Stoke’s treble was pathetic and a first egregious example of what lies ahead, defensively, in Tom Lockyer’s absence through an ankle injury.
So comfortable was Stoke’s afternoon that his Welsh international team-mate Rhys Norrington-Davies will have felt throughly vindicated in controversially ditching Luton last month for Stoke. He barely had to break sweat in his own rearguard duties.
In truth, his new attacking team-mates hardly needed to exert themselves either – and they still should’ve scored more!
Had it not been for two point-blank saves from Simon Sluga – to deny Sam Vokes and Sam Clucas – it could have been a hammering. And there would’ve been no complaints had it finished 5-0 or worse.
The Croatian keeper was not without his own nervy moment as he blundered in shepherding a ball off the pitch, but was spared egg on his face when Clucas clipped wide.
The only outfield starters that came out of this with any credit were Jordan Clark and Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall. But, an epidemic of poor passes and shocking control confounded the Hatters’ abject lack of cut, thrust, killer instinct and a general inability to do anything of any quality.
One victory in the last six, hasn’t always told the full story, but back on his old Staffordshire stomping, Jones’ men embarrassingly let him down.
“If we don’t do the basics right then we’re in trouble,” admitted Jones. “We have to do those right because we’re not the most talented group in terms of Championship status.
“The leaders in the team were nowhere near today and that’s the thing that’s puzzled me and I’m really, really disappointed about because we’ll have some tough decisions to make on those.”
He added: “When the subs came on, Joe Morrell was excellent, but what can you do when the rest of them are inept as that?”
PLAYER RATINGS:
SIMON SLUGA – 4
Left stranded by his defenders for Stoke’s first and third goal, but he kept the score to 3-0 with two instinctive saves and got lucky with a wobble way out on the wing.
DAN POTTS – 2.5
He got overloaded with alarming frequency in the first half and offered nothing in attack despite presumably being handed a more forward-thinking role when Town lined up with a centre back three to begin with.
SONNY BRADLEY – 1
His poor touch and then a slip let Steve Fletcher run unimpeded at Simon Sluga and unselfishly slip in Nick Power for the opener.
GLEN REA – 1
He started in the middle of a back three, moved into midfield after the interval and finished at centre back. His passing was woeful, he got booked for a clumsy challenge, got beaten in the air by Harry Souttar. But all that paled into insignificance by his bizarre decision to play Sam Clucas and not Martin Cranie’s off-target pass, slipping and seeing the Stoke man repay Steven Fletcher’s earlier unselfishness with another walk-in goal.
MARTIN CRANIE – 2
He kept things simple and though he contributed to City’s third with a poor pass, Glen Rea made it worse.
JAMES BREE – 1
The right back returned for his first appearance since a snowy day against Chelsea in the FA Cup a month ago. He was caught extremely cold by Nick Powell for Stoke’s second as he didn’t even bother to try and defend a cross and got bullied by the City striker. He offered little in attack.
KIERNAN DEWSBURY-HALL – 4
He was the only outfield player that tried to pass through Stoke’s lines. It didn’t come off until he found Jordan Clark with a through-ball that ultimately came to nothing.
PELLY-RUDDOCK MPANZU – 1
Arguably, one of his most infuriating Luton performances. He couldn’t trap a bag of sand and his passing was no better. He was relieved of his duties on 68 minutes, hooked off for Ryan Tunnicliffe.
JORDAN CLARK – 5
Town’s main bright spark, he made good runs and had Town’s only effort on target, firing straight at Angus Gunn. He had another blocked, and fired disappointedly wide, albeit from distance, after Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall pierced Stoke’s backline to find him.
HARRY CORNICK – 1
He managed one shanked shot that went very wide and one cross that found no-one, so was replaced by George Moncur. And with loan man Tom Ince unable to play against his parent club, the Hatter may find his place on the bench is extended for Tuesday’s visit of Millwall.
JAMES COLLINS – 1.5
Had plenty of success in the penalty area. The only trouble it was his own box where he made a series of defensive headed clearances, but cut a desperate figure at the other end where he received no service. Replaced by Elijah Adebayo on 83 minutes.
SUBSTITUTES:
JOE MORRELL – 4
Came on and looked calm and assured, which made a change from his side’s efforts before that. It was his first Championship outing for almost 11 weeks and he must be a shoe-in for Millwall on Tuesday.
RYAN TUNNICLIFFE – 4
Was never going to come on a turn the tide, but he did show some much-needed aggression.
DANNY HYLTON – N/A
He must always hope he can come on and score but even the biggest optimist in the world would’ve ruled out this cameo as the one where he broke his Championship duck. Not on long enough for a rating.
GEORGE MONCUR – N/A
He ran about and looked lively and, really, that’s all he needed to show to be in with a strong shot at playing more of a role on Tuesday. Not on long enough for a rating.
ELIJAH ADEBAYO – N/A
More vital minutes, but not on long enough for a rating.
UNUSED SUBS: James Shea, Luke Berry, Kal Naismith, Kazenga LuaLua
Spot on, Jim. Let’s see some positive changes on Tuesday – a bit more imagination in approach and team selection and meaningful use of subs. Morrell and Moncur should start, and Hylton and Adebayo be brought on when there’s still a chance they might change things. That’s assuming they don’t actually start as well! As it was, when the first goal went in yesterday, you knew it was all over.
Relatively easy for us pontificating from in front of our keyboards. Very hard for NJ in front of the cameras and with a Sky microphone stuck under his nose – especially after such a dire performance. But it goes with the job!
Some are still asking if he’s the right man. No doubt in my mind after what he’s achieved for us, both before and after his little holiday in the Potteries, but I’d like to hear a bit less about our being the poor relations. All the stuff about not shopping in the same supermarket as our rivals and so on. That was GJ’s line, and we don’t need it.
Looking forward to seeing Millwall bopped on Tuesday on the big screen. Lose that one and the boat will really be rocking!
Yeah I wouldn’t want Jones’ job. Not even on a good day. You’re always a missed header or a defender’s slip away from being shouted at.
I wasn’t a huge fan of his football to begin with the first time round. It took a good 9 months or so for the players to understand the diamond and him to get some of his own players in. Then it was great! Maybe it’s a similar thing now, with the added complication of no fan rapport and a smaller budget that the competition? Overnight success usually takes time. But yup he definitely needs to shush about budget. We all know that and he knew it before he came back.
One question anyone thinking he should go (especially now) is who would they realistically replace him with that would do more with what we currently have? Wouldn’t they rather NJ stayed and figured out how to make it work rather than us taking a step to being Watford’s little sister by firing a second manager in succession after a few months? A new manager would want even more backing in the summer. That’s money gambled rather than invested in the training ground, stadium and other infrastructure that will make us sustainable longer term.
Quick “broken record” from me and then a positive. That result has been waiting to happen for weeks. When you play no football eventually your defence will make mistakes that get punished.
Silver lining could be that it finally forces NJ to make some changes to tactics. Fast tempo, quick counters, ball on the floor, not everything having to go through DH (who oppositions have now figured “cut off his left and he won’t be as effective”). Few personnel changes too perhaps – maybe Rea and Pelly a little rest, Morrell a run, Moncur a run as a right footed foil to DH, Adebayo and Hylton some more time.
And Bree will get better with matches. When he is, we will have more attacking threat.
Whilst things can obviously continue to get worse, chin up! Maybe things will now start to get better instead?!